Athletes…

Now it’s a well known fact that black men out perform ol' whitey at most sports. Just watch the Olympics for proof. Why? You may ask... Perhaps it’s because they come from a poorer background so they try harder, thus making it out of poverty. Perhaps it’s because years of slavery has lowered the white mans ability to do physical tasks by ourselves, thus making our species genetically weaker over the years to the point where we cannot properly compete for Olympic superiority.

One alternative theory has been offered however... "Craig, the reason they are so fit is because they spend their entire time back home running away from lions and tigers". This theory doesn't sound entirely accurate unless you replace the words "lions and tigers" with the phrase "men with guns". I know everyone over exaggerates the hardships they faced growing up... Hell an entire genre of music was founded on top of it. It’s called rap. And they only mention how hard it was for them as a gateway to talk about how much money they have now they are 'megastars'. The 'megastars' being in commas as 'superstars' wasn't enough. Soon there will be some 'gigastars'!!. Like fucking transformers all over again.

 "I'm a Megatron!! All cower before me"

"Oh yeah, well I have evolved into a Gigatron!!! Suck my left Nad"

"Well wait until I call upon my Tetrabeast!!! Then I shall break your jaw with my nads of steel..."



 So these men with guns... I wonder how my upbringing compares. To check this I attended one of the many parties where I seem to be the only white person attending. After collapsing into a fit of exhaustion trying to ascend the stairs I began a bragging contest with a fellow party goer....

 "When I was 13 I was given my first mobile phone... Two days later I was chased by a gang of men with knives down a dark alleyway only narrowly escaping by diving into an open sewer and crawling through twenty yards of unprocessed sewage!!"

 A Mighty impressive story you may think... Until I regaled him with my stories of untold heroism and personal sacrifice.

"Last week I went to Asda to find that Irn-Bru was the same price as TWO bottles of Fanta... But I was strong and took the Irn-Bru, as it was the right thing to do"

 Perhaps we are just from two different worlds. When I finally regained my breath I descended the stairs thus never knowing what was upstairs. Best not to risk the heart attack.


Iron Fist