You are in bed with your girl, perhaps kissing her neck. You are both completely naked having dispensed with clothes at the door. You slide your hand up her thigh towards your goal. Touching, teasing and delicately probing whilst she inexpertly tugs and wrenches your penis into submission. All of a sudden you roll away from her and spring your rubber amigo from its hiding place. You hold it up to look at it making sure you don't inadvertently put the damn thing on backwards, and then you put it on.
"What is she doing this whole time?" you may ask... perhaps she is kissing your neck or helping in some sort of way? Perhaps she is keeping herself 'warmed up' for you? What is more likely for me is that she is sitting there tracing her eyes down my back, trying to find a direct path from the top to the bottom that isn't stopped by large clumps of hair.
Maybe I’m over exaggerating. Including fore play, the whole process only takes about 30 seconds. What do you do after? Jump straight in and start humping? Or start with more foreplay? After research I came across a quote from the sex advice column of FHM.
"Roll the condom on to your man using your mouth and your teeth"
Your teeth!? Un-fucking-believable. I don't know about you but my teeth are fairly sharp. Just what I’m looking for, a condom with holes in it. Ventilation perhaps. Maybe tomorrow night we can experiment by putting one on using the business end of a cheese grater...
She goes on 'the pill' next Wednesday
Iron Fist
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