Surprisingly, this is only the second time I have been to the festival in all my years growing up in Scotland, so this year seeing a clown on a unicycle, a Korean man with a coat hanger on his head (with the original name of hanger man) balance on briefcase whilst juggling blunt knifes or even a street comedian spin yo yo's about, was quite fun. But if you want to see something good you usually have to pay for it... Which brings me to the paid shows I saw this year.
Monty Pythons Flying Circus (In French)
Why the hell would you take something as good as Monty python, translate it into French, and then play it in a Scottish theatre. My French was never that good when I was in school and guess what... it hasn't improved all that much since then. Lucky for us savages, they had some subtitles. These subtitles were on a small screen to the side, displayed with about a 5 second delay. A cunning ploy to ridicule the non French speakers of the audience, as anyone who spoke French would laugh before us, therefore exposing us for the frauds we are.
On the plus side, some of it was bloody funny. Nothing is better at getting people to cry with laughter than two judges wearing woman’s underwear under their usual robes, and speaking in ridiculously gay French accents. Especially when a man came back from the toilet to find two men geared up in stockings and lace looking at him when he came in. Maybe it was a set up... but it did the job.
And what show would be complete without a little audience interaction... The Special Olympics, 100m race for incontinent men. Ready, go, and suddenly you are being pissed on by a French man dressed like the 118 advert.
Overall, 6/10. Possibly would have made 9/10 if only it was in English.
Improvody...
For anyone who didn’t manage to 'get' the subtle pun that is the name, this is improvised comedy, a lot like the show "Who's line is it anyway", except without the laughing. I sat down reluctantly in the basement of an empty club and squinted to see the stage. "Give them a chance" I thought. I was a little bitter that the show I wanted to see called the Improverts (again, improvised comedy) had sold out, but this is the same thing... isn’t it?
Starting off with a familiar game of 'finish the sentence', 3 girls and two boys were quickly sent off with the very appropriate command...DIE. That was the Highlight of that night.
Overall, 1/10. Couldn't give it less as I did stay to the end.
Chinese State Circus...
It started with a small Chinese man dressed as a monkey doing back flips and speaking in a seriously epic voice before the real action happened. Monks came running out and started fighting whilst acrobats jumped higher and higher through hoops, People danced on wires high above the stage and the famous Wushu warriors fought violently with swords. All this while strobe lights and coloured flashes confused your senses.
Usually men dressed like dragons couldn’t be more boring. Its just one man running around while 4 more smell his ass, but these ones were running on top of huge balls, doing tricks all while the small monkey man fell about in a comedic style.
But, if I must be picky, the hand to hand combat was too neat. No real effort was put in by the monks. They had done it a million times and it showed. Fighting should be slightly scrappy with a real sense of danger. And the wire walking dancing girls kept falling off the wire. Could have been funny if it wasn’t for the safety rope.
Also, as impressive as a contortionist is, it’s a little boring. As she was doing her act of being a human chandelier, I looked around at the audience. Predictably, every man there was nudging his friend with the usual leering comment of "I bet she'd be great in bed". Wow, never thought of that. Maybe she could suck your balls while you do her doggie style. Maybe she doesn’t need you at all. Pervert.
The Lady Boys of Bangkok travel around with the circus so a funny gimmick was to put a toilet outside that was just for transvestites. Much nicer than the regular toilets.
After a trip to Thailand my parents brought back a lady boy brochure and my mother delighted in asking me if I thought these women were attractive...
"Are these women attractive?" She said with glee
Now what can I say... If I say yes, she springs it upon me that they are really men. Congratulations. You not only got one over on me, you have also exposed your son as a gay transvestite lover. Something to tell your friends about at the next coffee morning. If I say that I don’t like these toned and manicured 'woman' she will probably think I'm gay. Equally juicy gossip for the coffee morning.
"They are men, I saw the brochure earlier" I replied coldly
Now she probably thinks I read ladyboy porn for kicks since I found it so quickly.
Overall, 8/10. Weapons, acrobatics and fighting but with no real danger.
All this fighting got me wondering...
1) Can they really be called 'warriors' if they have never fought anyone? Only trained to perform for tourists? Don’t they have to 'War' to be warriors...?
2) What's next for nuns? Since that Pankhurst lassie threw herself under the kings horse woman have had equal rights (and unfortunately the vote) so I demand equal entertainment from nuns. Monks have kung fu, so maybe nuns could be weapons specialists, shooting the cork from a bottle of champagne... or world famous strippers.
3) Would it be possible to run a monk exchange program? I know it’s a different religion, but their monks are better than ours. Lean, athletic and skilled vs. Fat, sweaty, homophobic and gay (prone to hypocrisy)
4) Will I go back next year? Probably not. Give it a couple years in-between each visit.
No comments:
Post a Comment