Death Sells

One of the main regrets of people who are struck by disease and illnesses that they are shot down in their prime. That back in the day they wouldn’t have lived this long, but instead they would have died the honourable death in battle. Like a samurai.

So being the great man I am, I have decided to offer a service allowing the diseased, the elderly and the mentally infirm the chance to fight and die an honourable death serving a higher purpose. This purpose will be a cash prize for the winning team that will be distributed among the warrior’s family or friends.

 This event will take place on a large battleground encompassing a few building scattered throughout as well as a town in the middle. Each team will start at opposite ends and slowly make their way to the middle. Think of it as dangerous paintball for the ill and elderly.

Imagine the show when a pale cancer victim summons up the last of his strength to slay the last of the elderly archers using a broadsword, shortly before being slain himself by a yellow man with kidney problems. All the while a man with a crossbow snipes people from the church window.



 Weapons given out will be random… Think Battle Royale. A theme will be set out before the match like medieval Battle, or Modern warfare.

 Also catered for will be combat for the people with muscle and motor problems. It will be like robot wars with people in wheelchairs controlled by their loved ones.

 This will be entertainment for the modern world, or a form of euthanasia that allows you to go out with a bang.

I know that the death sentence isn’t so popular in Britain. Which is why our jails are full of kiddie fiddlers, perverts, rapists and murderers, but why not let them fight it out on a battlefield too. To rot in prison for the rest of your life or to die in a final blaze of glory isn’t a hard choice. Which brings me to another thought? Why do they stop prisoners killing themselves? Surely a man who is jailed for life as there is no death penalty should be able to kill himself if he wants. No one was exactly gutted when Harold shipman killed himself.

 I think the reason that they want to bring the death penalty back is because it’s cheap. No costs of keeping the prisoners alive and secure. It costs a fortune to keep people in prison. But with my system the government would actually make money through cable/satellite subscriptions and merchandise. Death sells. It’s a proven fact that people have always turned up for executions and fights. Maybe a bonus of this is that WWF would no longer exist. I can't stand the WWF or WWE or RAW or whatever the fuck it is now. It’s fake, not just a little fake. Really fake. You can tell just when an unexpected turnaround is going to happen... mostly when they pick up the chair and begin to gloat and not watch the man on the floor. It must be a slap in the face for anyone who does proper wrestling. People who train for Olympic wrestling all their lives only to have their profession ridiculed by some oiled up 'characters' and American pretty boys with muscle and an acting degree. It’s set up. Go get a real hobby instead of watching TV.

Maybe the Romans had it right. Except they used slaves. But they kept woman out which might be a bonus… Or was that the Greeks… Probably both. Decide for yourself.

  Let the games begin...
 
Iron Fist