What's in a name?

Well friends, it’s been one hell of a busy month. Exams, gluttony and a brand new porno DVD have all taken their toll on my wellbeing. But there is an upside...During my endless pursuit of knowledge I have stumbled across a language technique that may just hold the key to my destiny. Thanks to the awesome power of alliteration I stand a greater chance of becoming a superhero than the average Joe. Peter Parker, Bruce Banner, Clarke Kent... all of these superheroes have rhyming names. Craig C... The next superhero. Unfortunately my partner in crime, Tom R stands less of a chance.

 And this is only for superheroes. I don’t want to hear "But Batman is Bruce Wayne, he's a superhero". As cool as Batman is, he isn't a superhero. The definition of a superhero is that they must have a super power. Like strength, webs, super-vision, lasers, or the ability to have a character called "Mr Freeze" and yet still get a sequel etc



 What weird word supervision is anyway? "I'm under supervision" implies that the person will be watching you with super eye sight, and your supervisor is the man who watches you with this super sight. Weird...

And 'Fella', I'm not a huge fan of being called 'Fella'... I'm fairly sure this word springs from the word Fellatio: The descriptive and somewhat pretentious verb for a blow job. Following this example, I shall call women the female equivalent... Hmmm, cunnilingus.... Cunnil. From now I shall refer to women kind as ‘Cunnil.’

These are our superhero personas. “Badger Man”, and “Spider Badger”. We were going to use our initials as our superhero names. Where as Tom’s “T-Man” worked out ok, “C-Man” never quite had the same ring to it…

I’m not entirely sure what my powers consist of (Except radiant beauty, of course), although I think Tom WR’s superhuman abilities are apparent for all to see, as shown on his self portrait. Also, it looks like our utility belts were stolen off pro wrestlers.

While I'm on the topic of words, I have also decided that my name is one of the manliest around (In addition to granting me greater chance of super powers). Each name usually has some kind of female equivalent.

For example "David"... The cunnil equivalent is "Davina"

"Julian" becomes "Julianne"

"Steven" becomes "Stephanie"

"Michael" becomes "Michelle"

"John" becomes "Joan"

 And if I wish to become tenuous... Joseph, Joanne, Andrew, Andréa, etc


The List goes on really, but if you are naming a child you would do well to remember this page. If any of you people (Cunnil's and Fella's) can think of anymore drop us an e-mail...

 Ironhorse@bteam.co.uk

 Now, what tragic accident will befoul me to give me these super powers…? I’m off to the pharmaceutical research labs to eat whatever I find lying around.


Iron Fist