Much like burning yourself on a hot dish, or getting your penis stuck in the toaster, the art of seduction is something that has to be learned through trail and error. Or to give it its frequently used slang name, ‘Pulling’. Going on the pull is one of the practices performed in life which I may never understand. To leave the house with the intention of meeting someone seems wrong. In a world where girls watch romantic/comedy films filled with subtle glances, slight touches of the arm and tired yet timeless plotlines, the grim reality of how men and women meet seems to be so different. What good story ever started with "I was so wasted..."? Actually a lot of good stories start this way, but it will never make for a good ‘Rom-Com’.
Think 'You've Got Mail' mixed with 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas' and you'll know what I mean.
The 'club' pulling has never worked out too well. I tried it a few times at the start of uni, but I always felt entirely' too sleazy. The classic male technique of walking up to a random woman and placing hands upon her in a familiar way and grinding up against her in a socially acceptable version of reverse vertical dry humping before leaning in for the kiss minutes after you met her in the hope that she doesn't fall over trying to back away from you is not what great romances are made of. It's not the things great nights are made of either.
With the rules of classic courting, as spelt out by Jane Austin and other such idealists, the man (Gentleman) has to make all the moves towards the dainty and fragile woman (Lady) has finally filtered down from the gentry to us lower people. Now all men can enjoy the initial moment of approaching a woman armed with ice breaking equipment known to the layman as "Pick up Lines".
Woman always mock and ridicule men for using either clichéd lines such as "Do you come here often?" or more creative efforts such as "You must be tired, as you've been running through my head all night...” My personal favourite is of my own creation "I'm a fisherman, do you want to see my tackle?" Though I did create it when I was 12 and it’s unsuitable for bar use unless you are wearing some kind of testicle protection. (They may even say "sure" so be prepared).
Although it's not like woman are any better when it comes to approaching a man. Where as suggestive glances coupled with things like playing with their hair are classics, or even to say hello but women do exactly the same thing as men. Pinch ass as you walk by, or worse, walking up to you asking you to buy them a drink? What the hell is wrong with them? Do I look like a drinks vending machine?
I think I’m beginning to come round to the whole speed dating thing... Just as soon as I prise my penis out of the toaster.
Iron Fist
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