Pro-besity…

Food is good. Gentlemen (and the occasional ladies who stray here by mistake), they say that food is the cause of all evil; the trademark of inequality, the killer of the lazy, the tormenter of the hungry and the opium of fat chicks. Well those are all lies... Ok, so all of them are true, but it doesn’t need to be this way. Food may have caused such problems as






 ·        Heart disease,

·        Trench foot,

·        Diabetes,



·        Clogged arteries,

·        Chronic sweating,

·        Decreased cogitative ability,

·        Hidden penis syndrome,

·        2 o’clock drunken mistakes,

·        Humping the wrong fold,

·        Hidden cheese sandwiches,

·        Losing the remote,

·        Difficulty squeezing into tight clothing,

·        And lack of vision and nausea for anyone unlucky enough to see you naked

 But you never hear of all the wonderful things that too much food has done for us all...

 For instance;

 Decreased crime rate:

How many chronically obese people have ASBO's? Or extensive criminal records? Not many... for some good reasons. The constant abuse received when they were younger has crippled their self esteem so now there is no pride making them fight. They cannot shin up a drainpipe, or even climb into a window so you are fairly safe from being burgled by one of these fermenting meat sacks. Violent assault and mugging will go down as fat people can’t run very fast away, and would probably need a 20 minute break in-between trying to beat you to death.

 Drought and Famine Resistance:

Perhaps an old cliché, but fat people would take much longer to starve to death; coupled with an attitude of conserving energy and the ability to store vast amounts of food in one sitting if the opportunity arises making them apocalypse friendly.

 Sign of wealth:

Being fat used to mean that you were fabulously rich, and to the rest of the world it still is. You walk your big fat ass through the poorest parts of Africa and you will be attracting some envious stares. Last charity gig Michelle McManus did there coincidently ended in a feast like no other. Weirdly I haven’t seen her on TV for a while...

 Bulletproofness:

Ok, you ain't gonna be bulletproof, but it will take a lot longer to slow you down. Bullets, poison darts, hand grenades and ninja throwing stars are all less effective on a fatty. Sure, you may be a bigger target, but you can take it.

 Instant Comfyness:

When you are fat, the world is your sofa. Including the sofas. No matter where you are, you can sit down and be instantly comfortable. All that ass padding ain’t for nothing. In fact, most of the time you don’t even need a chair. In an apolyptic future with no chairs, the fat man is king.

 Increased safety:

Fat people are harder to kidnap. It’s true. You need more rope, more anesthetic, more man power and even a bigger van. They take up more room in your abandoned warehouse and to top it all off, you get less ransom money for them as the public will never rally round a cause if the cause doesn’t fit the key demographic. (Usually small blonde girls, not fat monstrosities)



Take a look at these bad boys:

This guy’s never been happier being fat.

This is evolution at its peak… he is in perfect physical shape to work a computer.

Check out these hunky Adonis’…

That all said, fat woman should never be tolerated. No one wants to see it. It’s an offense to the eye, the nose, the...well really all five senses, that is, if you get close enough to taste.

 That’s one of each type… blond, brunette, black and redhead… I like the brunette… she’s feisty.



Iron Fist