Hypocrisy Runs Riot… Friend Avoidance Courses

 Earlier today I had the misfortune of meeting a person who I have not spoken to for a long time. There is probably a reason for that. I only had the intention of making small talk until we both can think of a semi plausible excuse to leave. Things were going well until he decided to bring out the insults. Playful in their delivery with an undercurrent of something deeper. Perhaps its repressed homosexuality, with a side serving of sexual deviance.

So armed with this knowledge I proceeded to point out one of his many flaws. He became all defensive.

 "But you don't even know me!" he retorted

 Nice work asshole. "That's exactly what you just did. Insulting me without knowing me"

 "Ah yes, but I never said I wasn't a hypocrite"

 "That’s very true my simple minded friend. I never took the time to say I’m not a kiddie fiddling mountain gorilla. It’s just assumed"

 Well that’s one person I won’t be stopping in the street to talk to anymore.




Really, small talk is overrated. Why must I talk to people I have only met once. I could actually write my thesis on small yet open questions that lead to slightly in depth information about said friend that will be easily dismissible as soon as I leave their general radius.

"How are you mate?"

"Catch the game?"

"Did you watch that new TV show last night?"

"Do you go to uni or college round here? Oh you work. Where do you work?"

That is a small example of the kind of questions I spew forth at nausium. Each leading to a subset of questions that can ultimately lead to a shallow conversation that can last for hours. It’s something of a dark art, one which I practice every day.

 Instead of making a spider chart of all the possible avenues of conversation I could go down I have decided to make a new rule.

 1) If you see someone you have only spoken to once or twice, and have no intention of speaking to again. You should look at your shoes, open your phone or even jump off the side of the railway bridge you are walking over to avoid the awkward conversation that awaits you just 10 meters away.

 2) If someone who knows you, comes up behind you for a swift chat... Feign ignorance. Just pretend you don’t know them and shuffle away. Guaranteed they won’t try that again.  The Shits.

 3) If they persist, and speak to you again... Run at them shouting that either you or they have a bomb. Right now the police are so edgy someone will be shot.



Iron Fist