The O.C… A Documentary about sexual frustration and perversions of the rich and famous... or Teens... I forget which

I was going to write this piece in the style of an over dramatic teen in the throws of teenage hormonal angst. Unfortunately because of all the masturbation and acne I was distracted. It seems that even though I am just out of my teens, I have no wish to return to that place. Hair where there was no hair before, the lust of a thousand dogs humping your leg and spontaneous erections in class...

So then why did I watch 13 episodes of the O.C. back-to-back? I believe that just about every character in this show is fundamentally unlikeable. Take the problems of a regular dramatic teenager and then multiply that by about say... a hundred million dollars and then you have it.

Ah, the problems of the rich and spoiled.

 The show does have some redeeming features however. All of the characters are good looking (more on that later), the storylines are very dramatic, there is a fist fight in almost every episode and its one of the few American shows that doesn't use copious amounts of canned laughter when there is a funny part 'cause god forbid I’d miss a joke or forget to laugh.



 Look at these pictures. Some damn good looking girls I think you'll agree.

 In my experience all of the woman in my life spend between 1-2 hours every day making themselves look half as good as my ego permits and that's not including the time spent waxing, plucking or underwear shopping. I try to keep up with fashion but I can't. Every year the 'way' a woman should look changes, but I know some things have stayed the same. Like large eyes, high cheekbones, a thin waist and exceptionally large breasts. I know that's what I look for and the people in this series have all these features. Just watch animé for an example of this... or if you’re a raging pervert Henti (The Japanese cartoon porn with improbable breasts and child like characters).

You know who else has a small waist and huge eyes?... A Roswell alien

 With just a few simple operations and a wig, I can make this pale & naked little alien into a supermodel...

There you have it. Poor wee basterds only needed a boob job and a sun tan. Now they can have an army of male fans trying to hump them where there probably (from all the eye witnesses) is no hole... The other picture is Rachel also from the O.C. who I now believe is an alien.

This show has done at least one great thing. As most of you know I’m an Alyssa Milano kind of man. She is a goddess, no doubt about it. But in close competition is the character Hailey from this very show.

I can honestly say that she is the best looking girl on this show. Just look at the difference between her and the main girl Marissa. Marissa spends the first six episodes looking like she's been dragged through a hedge, yet she enjoyed it. Someone has definitely hidden her hairbrush… Or her dignity.

"More chardonnay Frank? I thought we could sup it by the beach house"

"I would love to Craig, but I’m meeting that new orange supermodel"

"Ah yes... The one with those beautiful large eyes. How's that working out?"

"Not bad at all, except when I bent over to pick up my keys yesterday... She probed me! And it hurt!"

"Those crazy Europeans..."


Iron Fist