Mission: Feed Gluttonous America

 Mission Status: Completed
 Mission Detailed:-

 Last week our fearless heroes escaped from Iraq back to Dildoland (Formerly Germany) to take a break in the company of billionaire businessman 'Sher Lindler'. After production dropped 400% due to process-optimisation introduced by the B-Team Sher Lindler generously suggested that their holiday may be more enjoyable if they took advantage of an all expenses paid trip to America.



 After a long uncomfortable trip surrounded by huge Americans sweating with fear and a very pleasant chat to an Islamic guy, the B-Team finally arrived. After politely thanking the Islamic guy for fixing and soldering together their radio-controlled badger using the vast collection of wires he strangely had on his person, the fearless crew got on their way.

 After this ordeal, the B-Team decided to sample some of the local Cuisine and ordered the healthiest thing on the menu... A giant bucket of fried chicken in batter. Unfortunately, this proved not to live up to American standards of three chickens per bucket; apparently due to a shortage of chickens in America.

 Thanks to a Greenpeace campaign to save the poor misguided birds, a freak accident when blowing the doors of the coup (Italian job style) saw most of the group, as well as most of KFC's stock, enter orbit and plug the giant hole in the 'o' zone. Who ever thought that Greenpeace would actually achieve something tangible? Seeing this as a prime business opportunity the B-team wasted no time putting a plan into action to supply the US with enough fried chicken to satisfy their enormous appetite.

Needless to say chicken was off the menu, so where could our resourceful heroes get a cheap supply of alternative meat? This is where the B-Team can fall back on their training or at least in between lectures where they took to the streets in search of alcohol. The solution was obvious... Use the UK's ample supply of pigeons. In order to capture the vast stock of pigeons, the B-team embarked on their master plan: To electrify all places where the pigeons would meet. Unfortunately, this only resulted in hospitalising large groups of American tourists, window cleaners, and homeless (the B-teams contribution to the British economy). Who knew that Big Ben and Trafalgar square were also tourist attractions!

 The next plan was to put to use the B-teams mass fighting badger brigade, unfortunately the result was vastly reducing the amount of pigeons, dogs and cats on the streets and creating a mass group of USA size Badgers. The B-Team are now the proud owners of the only badger sumo league in the U.K. After consulting a top professional down the local boozer, baking soda was chosen to poison the birds. After borrowing Sher Lindlers' private jets the B-Team proceeded to drop bird food saturated with super strength baking soda over all of the major towns and cities in the UK with the intention of paying a group of disadvantaged children to pick up the birds at a later date and pack them, ready for transportation back to the good ol US of A.

 Unfortunately, the baking soda didn't have the effect desired; the baking soda reacted with the acid in the pigeon’s stomach, making them very angry and foaming at the beak. Not just the birds, but rabbits, dogs and the occasional homeless person also went crazy with dehydration and started to foam at the mouth. What followed was 11 days of terror in the UK, as millions of pigeons went crazy attacking people, exploding and falling out of the sky dead, much like a scene from Hitchcock’s "the Birds" mixed with "28 days later.” The public were forced to shelter indoors for fear of catching this new and potent form of bird flu.

This had the effect of crippling the economy as no one could go to work, or even leave the house, making it one of the most successful attacks on the UK since World War II.

The Daily Mail report “It’s Raining Birds” stated that this was a deliberate attempt by the Labour party to cure the country’s homeless problem as well as ruining the countries takeaways, thus reducing the countries obesity problem.

The Daily Star also used the same headline, but instead took this as an opportunity to show even more pictures of Lucy Pinder and Michelle Marsh.)

 The B-Team have now decided to fly back to America to lay low for a while.