Friday 6 September 2013

Pimps and Prostitutes Part 1

Once again we find our heroes in the midst of danger, fighting the good fight, and waging war against their mortal enemy... Lasagna .
After 16 grueling rounds in the Cornwall Annual Lasagna Eating Contest we are down to our last two teams... "The B-Team" Vs "The Pimps and Ho's".
The B-Team consist of Raging Horse - A lasagna eating machine, trained in the art of stomach displacement by Tibetan Monks he is capable of consuming over one hundred cubic inches of lasagna in one sitting, and Iron Fist - famed for financially crippling the once successful Pizza Hut franchise by abusing the all you can eat offer.

The Pimps and Ho's are an international entry from the United States consisting of one unusually rotund pimp named Reginald - decked out in vast quantities of Mr T's finest jewellery, and a very large black woman named Chiniqua -  who for some reason is calling everyone sister or girlfriend and shouting 'O NO HE DIDN'T' in response to things that he clearly just did... This greatly confuses the B-Team. The Pimp's and Ho's team are also joined by what the Pimp (Reginald) referred to as "a company of prostitutes"... Raging Horse wondered why religious girls would wear such revealing outfits but apparently he got the words confused. Iron Fist tried to help with his ladybird children's popup dictionary but was scared when an Aardvark appeared to jump out the page and attack him. The B-Team decided that learning what a prostitute was would have to wait until after the contest.


Round after round the West Country's lasagna stocks were severely tested until in round 57, when all the delicious layers of meat and cheese finally got too much for Reginald the Pimp, his heart explodes in his chest and he falls to the floor. Chiniqua is distraught! Unable to live in this cruel world without Reginald, she turned the fork on her self and consumes the last of the lasagna before also succumbing to a fatal lasagna based coronary.
Success, the B-Team have another trophy for the B-Team headquarters! But at what cost?!
After finishing off the dead pimp's lasagna the B-Team grab a snack for the road, load up the now homeless prostitutes into the van and set off to deliver them back to the church.
Find out what happens next, in the next installment of the B-Team.

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